A Hole Inside My Soul

I sat one day behind my computer just thinking of my life ,wondering if I could pin point the time period when my life turned. I realized I always felt different from others even as a child.
So as I began to write " A Hole in my Soul" what appeared before me was my entire life starting as child "who sat alone" up until now an adult who " lives inside his skin". The poem had a flow to it and I read and re-read it until it sounded more like a song. I added chorus lines and hope to put it to a melody one day.

Here is my poem:

A Hole Inside My Soul

While in school when I was young
I always sat alone.
There was that feel of being strange,
marched to a different tone.

My body was like all the rest
like those of friends and kin.
But way back then there was that rub,
no comfort in my skin.

No matter how much I’d yell
how loud that I would shout,
a hole inside my soul
let my spirit all leak out.

As I grew inside me felt
like chaos had run wild.
Emotions took me left then right
and never calm or mild.

Soon I found an emptiness
that grew and over took,
whatever tried to fill that void,
serene was soon forsook.

No matter how much I’d yell
how loud that I would shout,
a hole inside my soul
let my spirit all leak out.

As a man I heard it said
“a hole was in my soul”.
Just like the villain in a play
it had the leading role.

I tried and tried, day in and out,
to fill this void in me.
Discovering in liquid form
booze solved this trickery.

No matter how much I’d yell
how loud that I would shout,
a hole inside my soul
let my spirit all leak out.

It worked awhile, way back when
and soon I did realize,
it fueled the emptiness inside,
became anesthetized.

Spirit gone, I was bankrupt,
my mind was so unclear.
A spiritual awakening,
a cure to fix my fear.

No matter how much I’d yell
how loud that I would shout,
a hole inside my soul
let my spirit all leak out.

Today I try to fill that void
it’s one day at a time.
Using things like faith and hope,
support from my Divine.

My soul is now a place
for things kept close to me.
Acceptance and a willingness,
these things will set me free.

No longer in captivity
or just thinking why,
a child sitting by myself
assuming I was shy.

No matter how much I’d yell
how loud that I would shout,
a hole inside my soul
let my spirit all leak out.

I now know I’m not alone
not strange or most unique.
There are so many just like me
that have the same physique.

Baby steps, just twelve of them
I’ve done all in a row,
they filled that hole once in my soul
allowing me to grow.

No longer, I don’t have to yell,
no more a big whirlwind.
I’ve filled that hole found in my soul
I live inside my skin.

Copyright © 2007 Ronald J. Edwards